[Tom M]

Okay, I get all kinds of free trade magazines. Sometimes there are good articles, sometimes there are good resources, sometimes it is bird cage fodder. Great. All’s well with the world.

First, they came with tear and mail renewal cards, which cost a stamp, but was a small price to pay. Next they were asking about renewal by email, which was cheaper and better still. Next came going to a website, which was not too different, but starting to get annoying, since there were cross renewals of all three different kinds, sometimes for the same mag.

Now I’m getting phone calls from telemarketers wanting to renew my subscription by phone.

Nope.

Not gonna happen.

I’m not going to wait for them to read me line after line of different types of products that I may or may not be in charge of purchasing. I shortcut it and tell them that anything that needs to be bought is pretty much decided by me, but they need to know what it is we need to buy. I understand why, but it is something that takes seconds by email, card or internet, but minutes by phone.

Let’s face it, you guys want me to get your magazine so you can tell your advertisers that more people are interested and will see their ads. Great. Let’s stick to the email/card/internet thingy and make my life easier. I do not work for you.

rant/off

[Lenny E]

Tom,

I have 3 rules of thumb for magazines.

1.) They must be printed on high grade glossy paper.

2.) They must have a centerfold.

3.) Big bazooms and a Phat pinchable hiney as an attention grabber must be included.

BTW, if it meets all 3 criteria, I don’t care if it’s free! I will pay money for that!

[Andy Graves]

We are getting those phone calls as well. I have told them in the past just to cancel cause I don’t have time to do the questionnaire…they still send the magazine anyway.

[Tom M]

Big bazooms and a fat, pinch-able hiney? Let me gain a few more pounds and I just might fit that criterion you are so fond of.

[Lenny E]

Tom, I really like you alot. I really do. But you’re not my type.

[Tom M]

Even if I wore one of those holster bras?

[Lenny E]

Tom,

My wife called me. She got her CCW permit.That took me alot of time and cost me alot of money to do.

Speaking of bras..did you know back in the day ..the CIA had a titty gun?

It was a fake nipple thingee , basicly a 22 Hollow point shell loaded into a fake nipple gun that you could fire with 1 flick of the pectoral. Because its a hollow point you can put alot of nasty shit in there. Mercury, ebola or Rift valley fever. 

If I’m Lying, I’m dying!

[Tom M]

In the words of Austin Powers:
“Machine Gun jubblies? How’d I miss those babies?”

[Author]

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