[Lenny E]

Two hillbilly’s walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

 Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. 

 After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.  

One of the hillbilly’s looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?’ 

 The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

 The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. 

 The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down  her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his  tongue.

 The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and  the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again,  the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. 

His partner says, ‘Ya  know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver  seed nobody do it! 

[David Gerard]

I wont try that at the general store. Get my but kicked. These girls are tough.

[Lenny E]

Try this one David! I am sure the Ladies will Like it.

It’s a Paddy Joke!

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the
night celebrating St Patrick’s Day. Mick, the bartender says, ‘You’ll
not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’..

Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’.

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He falls flat on his face.

‘Shoite’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, ‘Shoite, Shoite !’

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to
the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine. He belly crawls to the door
and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes
a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the
pavement and falls flat on his face.

‘Bi’Jesus… I’m fockin’ focked,’ he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, Hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door
and shimmies inside.. He takes a look up the stairs and says ‘No f…way. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says ‘I can make it to the bed’. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ‘f… It and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ‘Get up Paddy. You had a bit to drink last night ?’

Paddy says, ‘I did, Jess. I was f…in’ pissed, but how did you know?’

‘Mick phoned .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.

[Tom M]

Heard the same joke, but he forgot his artificial leg there instead.

Good one!

[Lenny E]

I’m glad you liked that one Tom. I am posting another one now I sent to Ma. Apparently Uncle Barrett likes those Hillbilly Jokes, so I send em to Ma, and she forwards them to him.

[Author]

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